二十七，一年如十年

朦朧之間，意識逐漸清醒。

雖是假日，卻仍在差不多的時間醒了過來，事實上，我也很久沒有被鬧鐘給叫醒了。

去年的生日剛好在禮拜日，今年則是在禮拜一，

照慣例我將回顧這一年來所發生的各種事情，紀錄自己的成長。

有鑑於平日下班後的行程都挺滿的，(其實是很容易想耍廢)

於是選擇提前一天來進行這一件事情。

若用一句話概括這一年，「這短短一年，彷彿經歷了十年。」

細數從今年開始，光是一月我就在三個不同的國家度過，

在倫敦體驗過新年，同一週前往比薩看了著名的斜塔以及佛羅倫斯，這座義大利朋友們最推薦造訪的城市。

並在月底，有幸見識到罷工之前的時尚之都——巴黎。

非常充實的一月份導致整個二月份都在養精蓄銳，只有在馬爾他參加了個狂歡節。

直到三月底獨自流浪到北方的斯德哥爾摩，這座安靜的城市，同時也第一次在此解鎖了夜宿機場的成就。

四月中到維也納聽音樂會、吃蛋糕，同時眼睛吃冰淇淋，

五月份公司團建在西班牙馬德里待了一週。

七月底至德國法蘭克福見識到了什麼叫做一座城、兩樣情。

八月中自己訂了間住宿到馬爾他外島GOZO去看英仙座流星雨，雖然跟想像中的有一點不一樣，但仍讓我有驚喜的感覺。

同時也很感謝朋友讓我欣賞到了美麗的煙火秀。

九月、十月則可算是近幾年對我來說重要的月份之一，那就是回台灣。

時隔兩年，這座島嶼的變化讓我吃驚，尤其在物價方面。

然而因為工作簽證的問題，所以我只得提前一週回來馬爾他。

滿滿的行程導致七週的時間仍顯得有些匆忙，但也是在這時，體驗到了不少二十幾年來沒有體驗過的事情，也算是彌補自己的青春吧。

十一月則是週週都有應酬活動，十二月公司年會、下下週受邀前往義大利同事的家鄉作客。

以上大致為今年的足跡分布圖，而這當中，除了回台灣這件大事以外，不少事情也在這一年同時發生。

首當其衝的是在五月份確定通過了六個月的試用期，同一時間經歷了組織改革、部門調動、及年度考核。

也是在這非常時期，冒了極大的風險，幾乎重新談過了公司待遇，其過程令人心力交瘁到連公司的CTO都認識我。

我很幸運也很感謝同事及主管們都非常照顧我，

但也正是如此，某些情況下不太好做人，在五月至七月折騰了整整兩個月，人與人之間的關係，永遠是一項課題。

六月另一項大事為暗黑破壞神4的上市，從小學一年級開始接觸到暗黑系列，儘管當時都是英文看不懂，

但其黑暗絕望的風格仍令我深感著迷。

之後的兩個月跟前同事玩得很瘋呀，首次嘗試了全英文的教學講解，也在這段期間Youtube訂閱人數一度到了500人。

除了以上之外，回台灣這件事情也是同時期進行規劃。

八月中開始，大概是臨近回台灣，所以公司業務較為趨緩，閒來無事，同時好奇心驅使之下我開始用起了Goodnight。

在這之前的不同時期，我總共使用過這個App兩次，當作自己心理障礙治療的一部分，都是在配對到一位女孩子並穩聊之後便沒在使用。

而這第三次，算是我使用最久的一次，也是在這時，我真正意識到自己的一項優勢——我的聲音。

目前來說，只要有接起電話，7分鐘聊天過後，我的配對率大概在8~9成，雖然我的總配對人數也還不到10人就是，或許樣本數不夠多吧。

遇到了各式各樣，風格迥異的女孩子，每個人在此的原因及目的都不同。

然而，都有一個共同點，那就是對現實生活的迷惘及無助。

隨便翻了下Goodnight論壇上面的言論，真的對現代人的精神健康狀況感到擔憂。

我向她們分享我在國外的所見所聞，探討彼此之間深入的話題。

由於時差且回台也沒有特別調整，每天都在奇怪的時間哄女孩子睡覺，

當中特別沒有安全感的，儘管我沒有要睡，仍會開著手機陪著她，然後做自己的事情。

但也是在這時，意識到了自己的能力有限。

於是乎，我開始寫詩。

每天固定在上面分享及朗誦中英文詩集，一方面幫助自己練習英文口說，一方面希望讓這個論壇的內容有營養一些。

這邊分享一件有趣的事，我曾經反覆聽著自己的錄音檔聽到睡著。

前陣子限動上面發的短片算是一個小實驗，或許以後累積到一定的量我會發個較長的剪輯到Youtube，看能否幫助到有需要的人吧。

所以真的不是人生正遭遇了些什麼，單純只是為賦新辭強說愁而已，儘管部分內容確實親身經歷，但多數如今都看得很淡了。

在回台灣的這段期間，我的前公司轉移到了其他國家，基本上馬爾他這邊大概90%的台灣人都在我前公司，

所以可以說，我現在是真正留在這邊的極少數了，接下來或許也將是個挑戰。

若一切順利，本人明年的計畫之一，便是把在前公司的那一年弄成一個系列來做分享。(又挖了一個大坑)

替大家揭開博弈產業，這個對一般人來說或許有些神秘的面紗，同一年爆出柬埔寨事件導致我只能當啞巴。

十一月回馬爾他之後，便著手處理自己的居留證問題，其實在回台灣之前就送審了，

這次回來則是辦完最後的手續，且這次一辦就是三年。

因此，目前有在考慮，三年之後，滿五年的我或許順手拿個歐盟永居，這或許是我30歲之前的一個重大戰略目標。

But who knows? 人生往往不按劇本演出。

以上，是這一年來的概括，經歷不少動蕩及分分合合。

要說當中最大的變化是什麼，

那便是我意識到了自己的心理狀態上有了些轉變，

對於任何事情，我已不太能感受到太大的情緒波瀾。

我不確定，是好，是壞。

但我能肯定，明年將一樣精彩。

謝謝這一年以來的各位，以及自己。

EN:

《27, a year that feels like 10》

Amidst a blur, consciousness gradually awakens.

Though it's a holiday, I woke up at almost the usual time. In fact, it's been a while since I was last awakened by an alarm clock.

Last year, my birthday fell on a Sunday. This year, it's on a Monday. As usual, I'll review all the events of the past year and record my personal growth.

Given that my schedule after workdays is usually packed (or rather, I'm inclined to waste time), I chose to do this a day earlier.

If I were to summarize this year in one sentence, "In this short year, it feels like I've experienced ten."

Starting from this year, January alone saw me spending time in three different countries. I experienced New Year's in London, then within the same week, visited the famous Leaning Tower in Pisa, and Florence a city highly recommended by my Italian friends. By the end of the month, I was fortunate to witness Paris, the fashion capital, before the strikes.

The packed January led to a restful February. I only participated in a carnival in Malta.

It wasn't until the end of March that I solo wandered up north to Stockholm. It's a quiet city where I unlocked the achievement of sleeping in the airport for the first time.

In mid-April, I attended a music concert in Vienna, had cakes, and feasted my eyes.

For the company's team-building exercise in May, I spent a week in Madrid, Spain.

At the end of July in Frankfurt, Germany, I experienced the contrasting vibes of one city in two different scenarios.

Mid-August, I booked accommodation on the Maltese island of GOZO to witness the Perseids meteor shower. Though slightly different from my expectations, it still brought a sense of surprise.

I'm also grateful to a friend for allowing me to appreciate a beautiful fireworks show.

September and October turned out to be two important months for me in recent years; that's when I returned to Taiwan. After a two-year hiatus, the changes on the island surprised me, especially the prices.

However, due to work visa issues, I had to return to Malta a week earlier than planned.

The packed itinerary made the seven weeks seem somewhat rushed. However, it was during this time that I experienced many things I hadn't in my twenties—a sort of rejuvenation of youth.

November had obligations every week, and in December, there's the company's annual meeting. The week after, I'm invited to visit a colleague's hometown in Italy.

These are the rough outlines of this year's journey.

Apart from the return to Taiwan, many other things also occurred in the same year.

The most prominent was in May when I confirmed my successful completion of a six-month probation period at work. Simultaneously, I underwent organizational restructuring, departmental transfers, and annual assessments. It was during this critical period that I took a considerable risk, nearly renegotiating my entire employment terms. The process was exhausting, to the point where even the company's CTO got to know me.

I'm fortunate and thankful to my colleagues and supervisors for their care. However, in certain situations, it's tough to manage; between May and July, I dealt with interpersonal relationships for a full two months, forever a learning curve.

Another significant event in June was the release of Diablo 4. I've been in touch with the Diablo series since the first grade. Back then, I couldn't understand English, but its dark and despairing style still fascinated me.

For the next two months, I played with my former colleagues wildly. I tried teaching in English for the first time, and during this period, my YouTube subscribers peaked at 500.

Apart from these, planning the return to Taiwan was also happening concurrently.

From mid-August, nearing my return to Taiwan, the work on my part had slowed down a bit. With idle time and driven by curiosity, I started using Goodnight.

Before this, I had used this app only twice, as part of my psychological therapy. I stopped using it once I matched with a girl and had a stable conversation. This third time, however, was my longest. It was during this time that I realized one of my strengths—my voice.

As of now, whenever I answer a call and chat for about 7 minutes, my success rate in matching is around 8 to 9 out of 10, though my total matches are still less than 10. Perhaps the sample size isn't sufficient.

I've met various girls, each with different styles and reasons for being there. However, they all share one commonality—confusion and helplessness in their real lives.

After skimming through the comments on the Goodnight forum, I genuinely worry about the mental health of modern society.

Hence, I share my experiences from abroad with them, discussing deeper topics.

Due to the time difference and not particularly adjusting to Taiwan time, I comforted girls to sleep at strange hours. Among those moments, one that was particularly insecure—though I didn't intend to sleep, I still kept the phone on for her and did my own things.

During this, I realized my limitations.

Thus, I started writing poetry. I share and recite English and Chinese poetry daily, partly to practice English speaking and partly to provide more nutritious content on the forum.

Here's an interesting thing—I've fallen asleep while repeatedly listening to my own voice recordings.

The recent short videos I posted on the social media platform are a small experiment. Perhaps after accumulating a certain amount, I'll create a longer compilation for YouTube to see if it helps anyone in need.

So, it's not that I'm going through something significant in life; it's simply exaggerating new expressions to express sorrow. Although some content is indeed from personal experience, most of it is now seen with indifference.

During this period in Taiwan, my former company relocated to another country. Almost 90% of Taiwanese here in Malta were from my former company. Hence, I can say that I'm one of the very few who decided to stay here. The upcoming phase might pose a challenge.

If everything goes well, one of my plans for next year is to create a series based on my year in the former company. (Another significant commitment)

It'll uncover the i-gaming industry, a somewhat mysterious veil for most people, especially during the year of the Cambodia incident that left me quiet.

After returning to Malta in November, I began handling my residence permit issue. I had applied before returning to Taiwan.

This time, it's the final procedure, and it's a three-year permit. Hence, I'm contemplating; in three years, when I complete five years, I might as well go for an EU permanent residency. Perhaps it's a significant strategic goal for me before I turn 30.

But who knows? Life often doesn't follow the script.

So, this is the summary of the year, in which I've experienced many ups and downs.

If I were to highlight the most significant change, it's that I've noticed a shift in my psychological state. I don't feel extreme emotional turbulence for anything anymore.

I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

But I can affirm, that the coming year will be equally thrilling.

Thanks to everyone and myself for this year.