二十九，此生無悔

又到了這個時刻，在去年體驗過許多新鮮事以後，本以為今年會「安分」點，然而計劃永遠趕不上變化，今年確實是個跌宕起伏，卻收穫滿滿的一年。

依照慣例從各項成就指標開始回顧好了，時間依序為：回台灣捐髮、開車帶父母半環島、完成馬爾他語及文化課程第一階段、登Dcard熱門、帶父母環歐、母單終結、瑞士繞一圈（地獄難度）、公司升遷、公司萬聖節裝扮第二名、受邀擔任馬爾他在地導遊、受邀上德法公視節目、在馬爾他藝術中心表演、完結耗時兩年的馬爾他菠菜系列。

到過的地點：巴黎(第二次)、布達佩斯、雅典、聖托里尼、米蘭(第二次)、科莫湖、義大利提拉諾、瑞士盧加諾、蘇黎世(第二次)、琉森、因特拉肯(第二次)、日內瓦、格林德瓦(第二次)、策馬特，繞了大半個瑞士，羅馬(第二次)、伊斯坦堡。

這個月將要有的聖誕行程：波蘭格但斯克、華沙、威尼斯、瑞士巴塞、法國科馬、斯特拉斯堡、巴黎（第三次了）、英國倫敦(第二次)。

每天都非常充實，背後也有著不少辛酸血淚，先從年初的回台計劃開始說起吧。其實今年回台灣是去年十一月臨時起意，且沒有任何的通知。原先是為了回台灣見一位女孩子，陸陸續續在網路上互動將近一年，對方也時常在我的限時動態且互動挺熱絡。由於去年算命提到今年有桃花，因此決定賭一把，約在情人節的前一天2/13見面，結果對方2/12臨時問我結束後能否載他到高鐵站，此時已經覺得不對勁，見面當天臨時說要挑卡片，見到朋友也請我先迴避，我也是這時才發現對方的好友名單有一位用相同濾鏡當頭貼的男性，像是情侶頭貼一樣。此時的我其實心裡大概有底，但仍舊好奇心驅使，想探究一個人的底線。最終，晚餐我刷卡、送的巧克力也被對方帶著去見男朋友。當中最令我難受的是，對方直到最後都不承認。之後也才有了臨時跟各位朋友見面的行程，其實原先是計畫將所有時間保留在那位女孩上的。要說不受打擊是騙人的，畢竟千里迢迢花費時間以及精力，當時的我更是頂著時差上班之外，還要上馬爾他語課程，每天凌晨4-5點才睡。 之後由於心情過於低落，想著要騎車環島轉移注意力，結果父母堅決反對，畢竟我的身障手冊就是多虧機車拿到的，最後折衷以開車的方式，且父母堅持要跟隨（怕我做傻事，拜託，你們兒子才沒有這麼溫室）。但剛好我跟父母都沒有開車到花東的經驗。隨後每天8點起床就是開車到晚上，晚上之後寫菠菜系列文章，再繼續上馬爾他語課程到凌晨2-3點，白天再聚精會神開車，身心俱疲的情況下也就沒有餘力去想有的沒的。

回到馬爾他後，上班之餘還有陪父母觀光，半夜規劃行程找住宿，有著兩位年近70且有慢性疾病的父母，我必須考量到方方面面，承擔各種風險。且由於瑞士是他們畢生所願，必須將開銷拿捏的精準到位，省吃儉用準備了兩年的預算，內心的壓力難以言喻。母親在離台灣的前一天因緊張問能不能不要上飛機，剛到馬爾他的第一週就因生理狀況問能不能回台灣。每天到凌晨2-3點才睡，8點起床上班。好在總體而言父母在旅途的過程也很給力，最後其實也幫了我不少忙，其實以第一次出國來說也是相當厲害。

而期間當中最重要的是，遇到了妳。

算命還真的有點東西。

之後則是遠距離這項巨大挑戰。

整個1-6月基本上就是每天只睡5-6小時，將自己burn-out，緊接而來的7月年度考核升遷，正所謂能力越大、責任越大，事業壓力更重。排山倒海的公司的業餘活動及應酬不提，一個人生活的日常家事也足夠將剩餘時間填滿。8-9月開始規劃年底的見面行程，10-11月意外的收到各種邀約，一對有在看我文章的夫婦、從部落格找到我的節目記者、和在馬爾他藝術中心表演的機會，每一項都是足以單獨寫一篇記錄的故事。是的，又在挖坑。與此同時，長期連載的菠菜系列也終於來到尾聲，耗時兩年的時間，總字數達7萬5000字。必須說，以非專業作家的身份我對這項結果已經很滿意。要知道職業因素每天看電腦及手機螢幕長達8小時候，下班還要繼續寫作，真的是件相當硬核的事情。而且長篇系列越寫其難度也隨之提高，時間跨度大的情況為求前後邏輯通順，風格、人設一致，我自己也要不斷重複閱讀以前所寫的內容。相當一部分內容到最後甚至還做了刪減，想了想還是覺得做人留一線，到後來重點還是放在我自己身上。儘管我相信系列還以相當大改進的空間，然而有時候「完成比完美」還來的重要。明年還有馬爾他語言及文化進階課程，還有駕照這些大魔王在等著我，直接了當的說，這系列我已經奮鬥到最後一刻，真的真的真的！必須在此時此刻做個了斷！

最後分享一件事，來總結我今年的狀態。萬聖節公司裝扮得名可以自選禮券，當詢問是否有超市禮券不得時。我意識到，自己竟然不知道想要什麼，

如今的我，已經很滿足了。

ENG Version:

It’s that time of year again. After experiencing so many new things last year, I thought this year would be a bit more “peaceful.” But plans never keep up with changes. This year was truly full of ups and downs, yet also overflowing with gains.

As usual, let me start with a review based on my personal milestones, in chronological order: returning to Taiwan to donate my hair, driving my parents halfway around the island, completing the first stage of my Maltese language and culture course, making it to the Dcard trending page, taking my parents on a tour across Europe, ending my singlehood, completing a “hell-difficulty” loop around Switzerland, getting promoted at work, winning second place in my company’s Halloween costume contest, being invited to be a local tour guide in Malta, being invited onto a German–French public TV program, performing at the Malta Arts Center, and finally concluding my two-year-long Malta Spinach Series.

Places I’ve visited this year: Paris, Budapest, Athens, Santorini, Milan, Lake Como, Tirano in Italy, Lugano, Zurich, Lucerne, Interlaken, Geneva, Grindelwald, Zermatt—pretty much circled most of Switzerland—Rome, and Istanbul.

Upcoming Christmas trips this month: Gdańsk, Warsaw, Venice, Basel, Colmar, Strasbourg, Paris (for the third time), and London.

Every day has been incredibly fulfilling, though not without its share of blood, sweat, and tears. Let me start from the beginning of the year with my trip back to Taiwan. In fact, the decision to return was made suddenly in November last year, without informing anyone. The original purpose was to meet a girl I’d been interacting with online for almost a year. She was often in my Instagram stories, and we had a lively connection. Since a fortune-teller had told me I’d have good romantic prospects this year, I decided to take a gamble and arranged to meet her on February 13, the day before Valentine’s Day.

But on February 12, she suddenly asked if I could drive her to the high-speed rail after we met. That already felt off. On the day we met, she said she needed to pick a greeting card; when she ran into a friend, she asked me to step aside. Only then did I notice she had a guy in her close-friend list using the same photo filter as her—basically matching couple profile pictures. At that moment, I already understood the situation, but curiosity pushed me to see how far things would go. In the end, I paid for dinner, and the chocolates I gave her were taken straight to her boyfriend. What hurt most was that she never admitted anything.

After that, I ended up arranging a bunch of last-minute meetups with friends. I had originally planned to dedicate all my time in Taiwan to that girl. To say I wasn’t hurt would be a lie—after traveling all that way, spending time and emotional energy, all while keeping up with work through jet lag and taking Maltese language classes, sleeping only around 4 or 5 a.m.

Because I felt so down afterward, I wanted to go on a solo motorbike trip around the island to clear my mind. But my parents strongly objected—after all, I got my disability certificate because of a motorbike accident. So we compromised and decided I’d drive instead, and they insisted on coming with me (worried I’d do something stupid—please, your son is not that fragile). None of us had ever driven through eastern Taiwan before.

Every day we woke up at 8, drove until evening, and afterward I’d write the Spinach Series and continue with Maltese lessons until 2–3 a.m. With mental and physical exhaustion stacking up, I didn’t have much capacity left to dwell on anything.

After returning to Malta, I had to work while also traveling with my parents, planning itineraries at night, finding accommodations—just imagine: two parents nearing 70, both with chronic health conditions. I had to consider every detail and shoulder all the risks. And since Switzerland was their lifelong dream, I had to be extremely precise with the budget, living frugally for two years to prepare. The pressure was indescribable. The day before leaving Taiwan, my mom was so nervous she asked if we could skip the flight. During the first week in Malta, she asked if she could return home because of her physical condition.

I slept at 2–3 a.m. every day, woke up at 8 for work. Thankfully, overall they were strong and supportive throughout the trip, and ended up helping me quite a bit. For a first-time overseas trip, they were honestly impressive.

And during this period, the most important thing happened: I met you.

Seems the fortune-teller was onto something after all.

What followed was the massive challenge of long-distance.

From January to June, I slept only 5–6 hours a day, burning myself out. Then came my promotion in July. As the saying goes, with greater ability comes greater responsibility—my work stress only intensified. Add to that a wave of corporate events and social obligations, plus all the daily chores of living alone filling the rest of my time.

From August to September, I started planning the year-end trip to see you.

In October and November, I unexpectedly received various invitations—from a couple who read my articles, a journalist who found me through my blog, and a chance to perform at the Malta Arts Center. Each one of these could be a full story on its own. Yes, I’m digging myself more pits.

Meanwhile, the Bo-Cai Series finally reached its end—75,000 words over two years. For a non-professional writer, I’m already very satisfied. Considering I stare at screens for eight hours a day for work, then continue writing afterward—it’s incredibly hardcore. And the longer the series went on, the harder it became to maintain consistent logic, tone, and characterizations across such a long timeline. I had to constantly reread everything I’d written. I even cut quite a lot in the end—sometimes it’s wiser to leave things unsaid, and ultimately the focus of the series returned to myself.

Although I believe there’s still huge room for improvement, sometimes “done is better than perfect.” With the advanced Maltese language and culture course and the driving exam looming next year—huge bosses waiting for me—I can say with certainty: I fought until the very last moment of this series, and now is the time to let it go.

Finally, I want to share one thing to summarize my current state. As a prize for the Halloween costume contest, the winners could pick a gift card. When I asked whether they had a supermarket gift card and they didn’t, I realized—I didn’t actually know what I wanted.

And now, I find that I’m already very content with life.