馬爾他故事集 - 好聚好散

「我不相信遠距離。」

「儘管很遺憾，但如果真的沒辦法，就分手。」

「你們已經溝通過了?」

「是的，我們已經溝通過了。」

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時間下午五點，

帶著幾盒鳳梨酥及託運禮品，

時隔兩個月，久違地進到辦公室，

我想全公司也只有我會在這奇怪的時間點過來吧。

「Heyyy JEFF! 好久不見!」來自南美洲的A同事還是如往常一樣的熱情。

「對啊，兩個月了。」

「你想念歐洲嗎? 想念我嗎? 這趟旅途怎麼樣，有沒有很想念家鄉?」

我停頓了一下，思索著是否該說實話。

「老實說，還好。」

「我其實有意識到，不管是回到家鄉，還是回來馬爾他，我都沒有什麼特別的想法，對我來說，就是從一個地方移動到另一個地方，僅此而已。」

「我能理解，畢竟我也在國外生活超過十年了。」

「有時候我會思考，自己究竟屬於哪裡。」

「妳呢? 聖誕節快到了有沒有什麼規劃?」我試著轉移話題。

「有的，我打算要去希臘。」

「哦，聽起來不錯，希臘我還沒有去過。」

「不過......我其實還在猶豫。」

「嗯?」

「我男朋友簽證快到期了，但是他還沒有找到工作，鄰近聖誕節，有哪間公司會在年底招人呀，HR都放假去了。」

去年11月入職的我深有同感，當時12月感覺公司有一半的人都放假去了。就連我主管整個12月都不在。

「妳男朋友是哪裡人呢?」

「奈及利亞人。」

「哦?有趣，你們怎麼認識的?」

「吃晚餐認識的。」

「在Party? 在Bar? 還是?」

平時熱情大方的她，這時倒是變得有點支支吾吾

「在Tinder認識的。」

「老實說一開始我們只是玩玩，但幾個月相處之後覺得似乎還挺合得來的，於是我便主動問他我們是什麼關係，他便向我表白了。」

我想起了她曾經跟我說過，她們國家的習俗是要男方主動告白才算是承認一段關係，在這之前就算上過床也不算什麼。

「現在遇到這個情況，我也可能會留下來陪他，儘管多少有期待，但現實知道留下來的機會不大，我想珍惜我們還在一起的時光，待時間一到........」

「我並不相信遠距離，到時就放彼此自由吧。」

「你們已經溝通過了嗎?」

「是的，我們已經溝通過了。」

回家的路上，我想起前公司的一位前輩，因為一些原因，起初她對剛調專案過來的我有一點刻薄。

「在這裡你不能相信任何人，連我也是。」 是她曾經對我說過的話。

而後來我們成為了具有革命情感的朋友，則又是另一段故事了。

當時，她跟公司另一位馬來西亞同事是姊弟戀，同樣身處異鄉的兩人很自然的在一起，一同經歷了大風大浪，她仍毅然決然地提出離職申請，儘管她知道這麼做，之間的關係也差不多到了頭。再怎麼理想，於無情的現實面前，往往是那麼的不堪一擊。

究竟，在一段感情之中，我們獲得了什麼，同時又失去了什麼?

好聚好散，對於來自世界各地的我們，是每天必經的課題。

「太複雜了。」

「果然，我還是喜歡單純些。」我暗自嘀咕著。

是呀，畢竟，

我可不怎麼喜歡失去的感覺。

EN version:

"I don't believe in long-distance relationships."

"Even though it's unfortunate, if it's really not possible, then we should break up."

"Have you talked about it with each other?"

"Yes, we've already talked."

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It's five o'clock in the afternoon. Carrying a few boxes of pineapple cakes and some souvenirs, I step into the office after two months. I think I'm probably the only one in the whole company who would come in at this odd hour.

"Heyyy JEFF! Long time no see!" A colleague from South America, as warm as ever.

"Yeah, it's been two months."

"Do you miss Europe? Miss me? How was your trip? Do you miss your hometown a lot?"

I pause for a moment, contemplating whether I should be honest.

"To be honest, soso."

"I've come to realize that whether I'm back in my hometown or here in Malta, I don't have any special feelings. To me, it's just moving from one place to another, nothing more."

"I can understand. After all, I've been living abroad for over ten years."

"Sometimes I wonder, where do I really belong."

"What about you? Any plans for Christmas coming up?" I try to change the subject.

"Yes, I plan to go to Greece."

"Oh, sounds nice. I haven't been to Greece yet."

"But... I'm actually hesitating."

"Hmm?"

"My boyfriend's visa is expiring soon, but he hasn't found a job yet. It's close to Christmas, and what company hires at the end of the year? HR departments are all on vacation."

I can relate, having joined the company in November last year. It felt like half the company was on vacation in December. Even my manager was away for the entire month.

"Where is your boyfriend from?"

"Nigeria."

"Oh? Interesting. How did you know each other?"

"We met for dinner."

"At a party? A bar? Or...?"

Normally outgoing, she's a bit hesitant now.

"On Tinder."

"To be honest, at first, we were just having fun. But after a few months together, it seemed like we got along well. So, I took the initiative to ask him about our relationship, and he confessed his feelings for me."

I remember her telling me before that in her country, it's customary for the man to confess his feelings to officially define the relationship. Before that, even if they were having sex, it didn't count for much.

"Now, facing this situation, I might stay with him. Although I have some expectations, I know the chances of staying are slim. I want to cherish the time we have together until the time comes..."

"I don't actually believe in long-distance relationships. At that point, we'll just set each other free."

"Have you talked about it with each other?"

"Yes, we've already talked."

On the way home, I recall a former colleague from my previous company. For some reason, she was a bit harsh with me when I first transferred to the project.

"You can't trust anyone here, not even me," were the words she once said to me.

Later, we became friends with a revolutionary spirit, but that's another story.

At the time, she was in a cross-cultural relationship with another colleague from Malaysia. Being in a foreign land together, they naturally got together. Although they went through ups and downs together, she still submitted her resignation, even knowing that the relationship would end in this case. No matter how ideal, faced with the merciless reality, it was often so devastating.

In the end, in a relationship, what do we gain, and at the same time, what do we lose?

Parting on good terms is a daily lesson for those of us from around the world.

"It's too complicated."

"Indeed, I prefer things to be more straightforward," I mutter to myself.

Yes, after all,

I don't really like the feeling of loss.