依舊獨自前行

「就像個沉默的刺客，在必要的時候給予致命一擊。」

「你無法猜透他在想什麼，他也不會對你說心裡話。」

沒有任何反駁的意思，也沒有絲毫閃躲，就只是直勾勾地看著對方，露出淡淡的微笑。

----------------------------

「法國完蛋了。」

嘈雜的人聲當中，有一句話吸引了我的注意。

「發生了什麼事?」我湊近試圖加入話題。

「Jeff，就像我上次跟你提到的，極右派正蠢蠢欲動，尤其在這次歐盟議會選舉，他們獲得了極大的進展。個極右派黨團在義大利、法國、德國都有不小的支持度。」

「馬克宏基本不用玩了。」

「法西斯回來了，歷史正在重演。」

倒也不怎麼意外，疫情後外加戰爭，歐洲經濟遭受嚴重打擊，通膨嚴重，整體從負利率直至逼近10%。倒是馬爾他利率長期與歐盟脫鉤(長年穩定維持2~3%)巧妙地躲避這次危機。近年來的歐洲政治天秤逐漸向右傾斜，人民不滿左派的無作為，歐洲整體發展停滯。難民、暴亂、毒品、性工作者隨處可見，民族主義復興、排外聲浪與日俱增。

「20年來我都是左派支持者，Jeff，但是今年我沒有去投票，我太失望了。」

「上週義大利有個新聞，一名非法移工因公傷整個右手臂沒了，但由於是黑工因此雇主沒帶他去醫院，而是載他到家門口，丟在門前等死。」

「那名雇主的下場呢?」

「好問題，我希望他最好下地獄，有時候真的挺Sad，我覺得這個世界在變糟，有時我會為女兒的未來感到擔憂。」

「北歐呢，聽聞北歐較為穩定，瑞典應該還好吧?」我詢問瑞典的同事。

「那是以前的事了，現在也不怎麼平靜。」

有時聽著自各地的同事訴說著家鄉的局勢，都會感到馬爾他身為歐盟一員的差異性。畢竟這邊是個街上見不到乞丐、光是虐貓就會被懸賞的地方。跟所聽聞外面的世界似乎有著天壤之別。

------------------------------

「要不要出來慢跑呀。」

這天，我與許久沒有聯繫的老朋友聯繫，派特，一位曾在上海讀博士會講中文的義大利朋友。

還是老樣子，我習慣性的使用英文，而他使用中文回應我。

「嗨，朋友，你變得好不一樣。」

「是呀，留了頭髮及鬍子。」

說起蓄鬍這件事，除了想換個造型之外，另一個用意是工作上時常被誤認年紀小。最誇張的一次是被25歲的同事誤以為年紀比他小。若是女孩子或許會開心，但對我來說，我可不想因外表而使資歷及專業能力受到質疑。

慢跑過後，我們一邊散步一邊聊著天。

「Jeff，可以問你一個問題嗎?因為我其實一直對政治很有興趣，」

「 嗯?」

「你覺得中國跟台灣會打起來嗎?」

「短期不會。」

「那如果打起來的話，你覺得台灣會怎麼樣?」

「就看台灣能否撐過7天等到美國過來。」

「所以你相信美國會幫你們?」

「會的，但並不是因為他們在乎我們死活，而是在乎我們的晶片。說起來挺可悲但卻是事實。」

「畢竟世界90%最先進的晶片都來自台灣。」

「你的iphone、汽車、電腦當中的晶片，幾乎都出自TSMC。」

「不知道在台灣能不能找到醫療儀器的工作呀。」

「可以的吧。」

「我一直很想回亞洲。」

我想起了派特家中陳列在電視櫃下方的中文書籍。

「為什麼?」

「我覺得亞洲是很漂亮的地方，我很喜歡。」

「但是亞洲的工作環境，跟歐洲【很不一樣】。」

「這倒是。」

「我也很想念台灣，是個好地方。」我順著派特的目光望去，不知道他眼裡所見，是什麼樣的風景。

是的，

台灣確實是個好地方。

---------------------------------

「就像個沉默的刺客，在必要的時候給予致命一擊。」

「你無法猜透他在想什麼，他也不會對你說心裡話。」

沒有任何反駁的意思，也沒有絲毫閃躲，我，只是直勾勾地看著對方，露出淡淡的微笑。

「我覺得你真的變很多，當時的你還是個有點可愛的男生，現在，我覺得是在跟個男人對話。」

「你變了，眼裡充滿了自信。」

3年間，不同時期人們對我有著不同評價，如今，這些人都不在了。

那晚的我，獨享潮水的低語，星空的沉默。

Jeff，其名為平靜，

Oro，以黃金為名。

EN:

"Just like a silent assassin, delivering a fatal blow when necessary."

"You can't guess what he's thinking, and he won't tell you his thoughts."

Without any intention to refute, and without any evasion, he simply stared back, wearing a faint smile.

----------------------------------------

"France is doomed."

Among the noisy crowd, a statement caught my attention.

"What happened?" I leaned in, trying to join the conversation.

"Jeff, like I told you before, the far-right is stirring, especially in this EU parliamentary election, they have made significant progress. The far-right factions have substantial support in Italy, France, and Germany."

"Macron has no chance."

"Fascism is back; history is repeating itself."

It's not too surprising though. After the pandemic and the war, Europe's economy has been severely hit, with inflation soaring and overall interest rates rising from negative to nearly 10%. Malta, on the other hand, with its long-standing detachment from EU interest rates (maintaining a stable 2-3%), cleverly avoided this crisis. In recent years, Europe's political balance has shifted rightwards, with people dissatisfied with the inaction of the left, leading to stagnation in Europe's overall development. Refugees, riots, drugs, and sex workers are everywhere, and nationalism and xenophobia are on the rise.

"For 20 years I've been a leftist supporter, Jeff, but this year I didn't vote. I'm too disappointed."

"Last week in Italy, there was news about an illegal immigrant who lost his entire right arm in a work accident. Since he was an undocumented worker, his employer didn't take him to the hospital but dropped him at his doorstep to die."

"What happened to the employer?"

"Good question, I hope he goes to hell. Sometimes it's really sad, I worry about the future for my daughter."

"What about Northern Europe? I heard it's relatively stable there. Sweden should be okay, right?" I asked a colleague from Sweden.

"That's a thing of the past, it's not so peaceful now."

Listening to colleagues from various places talk about their hometowns' situations often makes me feel the difference of Malta as a member of the EU. After all, here is a place where you don't see beggars on the streets, and even cat abuse is met with a reward for information. It seems vastly different from the outside world I've heard of.

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Want to go for a jog?"

That day, I contacted an old friend I hadn't spoken to in a while, Pat, an Italian friend who had studied for his Ph.D. in Shanghai and could speak Chinese.

As usual, I habitually used English, and he responded in Chinese.

"Hi, friend, you look quite different."

"Yes, I've grown my hair and beard."

Speaking of growing a beard, besides wanting a new look, another reason is that at work, I'm often mistaken for being younger. The most exaggerated case was a 25-year-old colleague thinking I was younger than him. It might be flattering for a girl, but for me, I don't want my seniority and professional ability to be questioned because of my appearance.

After jogging, we walked and chatted.

"Jeff, can I ask you a question? Because I'm actually very interested in politics,"

"Sure."

"Do you think China and Taiwan will go to war?"

"Not in the short term."

"What if they do? What do you think will happen to Taiwan?"

"It depends on whether Taiwan can hold out for seven days until the U.S. arrives."

"So you believe the U.S. will help you?"

"Yes, but not because they care about our lives, but because they care about our chips. It's quite sad, but it's the truth."

"After all, 90% of the world's most advanced chips come from Taiwan."

"The chips in your iPhone, car, and computer almost all come from TSMC."

"I wonder if I could find a job in medical instruments in Taiwan."

"Probably."

"I've always wanted to go back to Asia."

I remembered the Chinese books displayed under the TV cabinet at Pat's home.

"Why?"

"I think Asia is a very beautiful place, I like it a lot."

"But the working environment in Asia is very different from Europe."

"That's true."

"I also miss Taiwan, it's a good place." Following Pat's gaze, I wondered what scenery he saw in his eyes.

Yes, Taiwan is indeed a good place.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Just like a silent assassin, delivering a fatal blow when necessary."

"You can't guess what he's thinking, and he won't tell you his thoughts."

Without any intention to refute, and without any evasion, I simply stared back, wearing a faint smile.

"I think you've really changed a lot. You used to be a somewhat cute boy, now I feel like I'm talking to a man."

"You've changed, your eyes are full of confidence."

Over three years, people had different evaluations of me at different times, but now, none of these people are around.

That night, I enjoyed the whispers of the tide and the silence of the starry sky alone.

Jeff, the name means peace,

Oro, named after gold.